Well, for this Valentine’s Day, I want to work towards world peace. Let’s all agree to love not only love our significant others, but also everyone else in the world.
And to make myself clear, I’m saying I think it’s time that everyone in the world sent everyone else in the world a box of chocolates.
So expect to be getting roughly seven billion boxes of chocolate in the mail very soon.
And if you don’t receive roughly seven billion boxes of chocolate soon, you know who to blame: all those lame-ass “Third World” starving countries who will claim to not have the money, time or means to send out boxes of chocolates. (Meaning: they ate them all themselves! Greedy bastards.)
Also: babies. I’m sure all you babies will claim you’re “unable to read” and “don’t even understand the concept of money” “much less the complexities of the International postal system”.
And I’m sure you won’t get much mail from Haiti either.
So let me amend me earlier statement:
I want to work towards world peace for most people.
But babies, starving people and victims of natural disasters can all just go to hell.
