A Bit About Rain

On days when it rains, I like to think, “Well, the sky must be sad because it’s having a good cry.”

But then I worry that if the sky is depressed, it might commit suicide and I won’t be able to breathe.

So I think, “The sky must just be really relieved because it just had a good pee.”

But then the rain-as-urine metaphor makes me overly cautious about getting wet.

So I consider maybe the sky is sweating.

But then I start getting concerned about global warming. And I find the best thing to do about global warming is completely and totally ignore its existence.

Which all forces me to face a horrifying fact: perhaps many natural phenomena have no anthropomorphic equivalents.

But this destroys my sense of child-like wonder, and I’m really a big fan of my sense of child-like wonder. So I decide there must be a bodily fluid that’s the analog of rain.

And then it hits me: cerebrospinal fluid!!!

The sky is clearly suffering from a chronic but treatable malady related to the neuroendocrine (and/or possibly the lymphatic) system, which require it to undergo an occasional lumbar puncture to remove CSF and measure levels of protein and glucose within it!

And because I know a lumbar puncture can stimulate pain fibers on the vessels and nerve roots surrounding the brain, I look up at that sky and say, “Feel better, Mr. Sky!”

And then I give Mr. Sky an intrathecal injection of sterile isotonic saline.

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