A Bit About Sex Acts

My problem with the words “blowjob” and “handjob” and “footjob” and “armpitjob” is the suffix “-job” there at the end.

I think men are branding these things all wrong. We don’t want women to think of sex as work. Sex should be a pleasurable thing!

Sex should be something you look forward to! Something you can’t wait to do! Something you agree to without two hours of well-reasoned Powerpoint-supported arguing on my part!

So I recommend we start calling it a “blowvacation” and a “handlazysatrudayafternoon” and an “armpitwellplannedretirementparty”.

“Armpitjobs” I recommend we stop asking for altogether because they are deviant and weird. Though my Powerpoint does make a lot of salient points in their favor.

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A Bit About the Softball Team

Todd, you gotta understand, I don’t care why you were late, that you were late at all shows me that this softball team is not important to you.

Great, you’re a “doctor”. Guess what? I have a job, too. I’m a freelance copywriter for Abercrombie catalogs. But guess what else, when Fall deadline time comes, I don’t let it affect my performance on the team.

So whine all you want about this “devastating wildfire”, and impress us all you like with how many “lives” you saved, but there’s ten lives on this team you didn’t save. And these ten people will now never know what it feels like to reach the quarterfinals of the Silverlake community softball tournament.

So I hope all those strangers you saved will hang out with you on Saturday afternoons from now on. Because you’re off the team, Todd. You’re off the team until such time as you can prove to us you really care about the team.

Oh, but before you leave we all need medical marijuana prescriptions.

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A Bit About Horse Racing

Horse racing is fun, but only if you can run really really fast.

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A Bit About Dancing

Look, you can’t be self-conscious.

You gotta dance like no one’s watching.

Because no one is.

Because you are a terrible dancer.

Because you’re too self-conscious.

It’s a vicious circle.

But it is also a dance circle.

And no one wants to see you in the middle.

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A Bit About Playboy

I do subscribe to Playboy, but I really just get it for the articles.

Which I masturbate to.

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