Ever watch a sporting event ever? Well, I have once or twice. Now, when you’re watching these things, you know when an injury happens, and they stop play, or stop the race, or whatever, and everyone’s standing around watching the guy who’s hurt lay on the ground, and we’re all waiting to see ... More »

Once upon a time there was a hare who lived on a hill in beautiful meadow in a small little coastal town that, for the purposes of this story, was home to a great variety of animals who all had the gift of speech. The hare was a nice hare. A good hare. ... More »

Hey! John Lamberson! You total buttface. That’s right, I’m talking to you, John Lamberson. I’m talking to the John Lamberson who went to Alanton Elementary School with me. The John Lamberson who I considered one of my seven best friends in fifth grade. The John Lamberson who I laughed ... More »

Oh, man, I am BEAT. That was just a helluva workout, Jesus. I tell you, people who tell you hot dog eating contests are just jokes, just carnival stuff, phew, you tell ‘em to come down to Coney Island on July 23rd! You think those aren’t twenty-five of America’s finest ATH-letes out there, ... More »

In life, I try not to be profound, prolific, or proactive, as I’d like compete in the Olympics some day. I could be misunderstanding the rules of the Olympics, but I doubt it. Porter