I hate when I start books and don’t finish them. You too? Hey: Let’s start a book club! Hurray! It will inspire us to read. To better ourselves. To gain Knowledge.
We’ll drink coffee in coffeeshops and meet and discuss books. “One iced vanilla latte, please!” Around us will be students studying things. Inoffensive music will play in the background. It will soothe but not disturb us. For our quest must not be disturbed. We must arrive at our destination unscathed. Our destination, which is Knowledge.
We will have great conversations about the books we will read. “I think the main character is too wishy-washy,” I’ll say. “He needs to just set his mind to his goals and accomplish them.” “Yes,” you’ll say. “Good point. You always make such great points about the books we read.” “Thanks! I also love the author’s use of capitalization to underscore important ideas.” I’ll say nonchalantly, and I’ll make a doodle in my Official Book Club Composition Book.
We’ll set deadlines. Deadlines help one in life. Without book club, we may be tempted to put down a book we are reading, and do other things that seem Important At The Time. But when we know, “I have to finish this book by Thursday so I can sound intelligent in book club,” then we will really commit and become better readers. We will be students. Self-made academics. Children of the Renaissance. Children…of Knowledge.
And there will be small, almost insignificant punishments for missing book club deadlines. Nothing big, but just something to make the deadlines seem real. “Whoever doesn’t finish their books on time will pay for dinner for everyone on the night of book club!” we’ll declare. It’ll help us to keep our eyes on the prize. The prize of Knowledge. Really, they won’t even be punishments almost. I don’t even like that term. I mean, this is for fun, right? So, actually just nevermind punishments. I mean, if you want to buy dinner, that’s cool, but no pressure will be put on anyone.
And, realistically, if you miss deadlines, it won’t be a huge deal, but it would be a lot easier if you don’t. If you do, though, it’ll be OK. In fact, if you’re going to miss deadlines often, we’ll probably just delay the deadlines themselves. It’ll give me a reason to sort of get some other things done, too. So no deadlines. I mean, after all, this isn’t some fascist state. Ha.
Also, I should mention that I was never great at the actual analysis of books. I’ll generally just be sort of recanting things I heard said by other people in online reviews. In school, I was not a huge participant in the discussions themselves (though I found them riveting, I assure you). It’s just, I just can’t often vocalize, you know, what it is I’m, sort of, How I Get Things, or, no, What There Is To Get. (?) If there is anything. To get. Does that make sense?
Oh, if it’s possible, can we not do the coffee thing? I just, I know myself, and I get hooked on caffeine easily and then I have to stop drinking it and then I get withdrawal headaches. So it would be easier for me if we just never started that whole cycle, so maybe we could just meet at a Taco Bell or something instead.
Come to think of it, these next few months will be really busy for me, I have some Things That Should Get Done Sooner Rather Than Later, so if you want to delay the start of book club itself, that is OK with me. But there will be a book club at some point! And it will be glorious. Just not right now. And maybe not until after Christmas, come to think of it. And maybe not until after my sister’s wedding next July. But at some point. At some point, we will have a book club, and we will finally land our craft on the rocky shores of that paraside known only as…. Knowle–
Oop, sorry, gotta run, seeya!
Porter
