Yeah! A road trip! Let’s do it! I love a good road trip! Let’s GO!
…
I’m tired. My feet hurt. I can’t turn my neck the whole way to the right anymore. This car smells. I’m hungry. I have to go to the bathroom. This car doesn’t have enough cool features like a CD player or heated seat cushions. Your story is boring. You, I’ve come to realize, are boring.
I’m thirsty. This magazine is ridiculous. This state has no cool road signs. This highway has no character. My feet hurt. My pants are bunching up. I can’t get to sleep. This car’s heat is weird, and I’m always either too hot or too cold. You don’t listen to my stories and anecdotes that closely. And now that I think about it, I don’t know that you ever have.
I’m bored. This weather is oppressive. My throat hurts. My feet hurt still, too. I have to go to the bathroom the other way now. This rest stop is such a perfect example of what’s wrong with American consumerism. This car uses too much gas. I have “swamp ass”. I no longer really care where we’re going. We’ve heard the same song fifteen times, and while I once liked it, it has now passed over into the category of “Songs That If I Hear One More Time I’ll Disembowel a Dachshund.” You don’t understand me or my tastes. What’s more, I don’t even know that we’ve ever truly been friends.
And my feet really do hurt; I’m not joking about that.
Hey. We’re here.
What a great trip, man! I really love road trips! All RIGHT!
