Monthly Archives August 1997

Financial aid

Posted on August 1, 1997 by Porter Mason

comic strip | panel 1 - JOHNNY: Here’s that form from the bursar’s office stating that I have and never will watch “Nick at Night” for a period of over two hours…. | panel 2 - FINANCIAL AID LADY: Well, the financial aid office thanks you for your cooperation. Now let me just file this away. SOUND: rrrrip | panel 3 - FINANCIAL AID LADY: Now, take THIS form, run thirty yards east, and, using only the powers of mime, get it signed by 27 people, named “Ralph”. | panel 4 - JOHNNY: Is the plan here just to break my spirit…. FINANCIAL AID LADY: No, no, that’s phase 3. We’re just in phase 1, “Whirlwind Confusion”.

Sprucing up apartment

Posted on August 2, 1997 by Porter Mason

comic strip | panel 1 - JOHNNY: Well. This apartment could sure use some sprucing up, perchance some rearranging. | panel 2 - JOHNNY: Lessee… what could we change? AH! | panel 3 - Johnny moves a table slightly. | panel 4 - JOHNNY: Well that just opens up all kinds of new space!

How to get into Duke

Posted on August 15, 1997 by Porter Mason

comic strip | panel 1 - NARRATOR: Step 1: Work HARD in high school, or option TWO, go to a “respected” boarding school. Either way. JOHNNY: Here’s an exorbitant amount of money. Will you vouch for my academic integrity? BOARDING SCHOOL DUDE: Sure. | panel 2 - NARRATOR: Step 2: Fill out the application, including the essays. Include big words like: “alumni donations” and “unimaginable wealth”. JOHNNY: “Legacy” is a relative term, I think… | panel 3 - NARRATOR: Step 3: Snap out of your drunken high school senior stupor long enough to return the reply card. Be sure to check “yes” and not “no”. JOHNNY: The postal service is fun. NARRATOR: And that’s it! | panel 4 - NARRATOR: Note: The opinions expressed in this cartoon are not those of the Chronicle. OR the cartoonist for that matter. Actually, we don’t know where we got the durned things. JOHNNY: This strip sponsored by the national association of wordiness.