Monthly Archives January 1997
- JOHNNY: Greetings, readers! Shalom and welcome to the exciting world of “Johnny”! I’m the main character of the strip, Jonathan G. Williams. You may remember me from my earlier work in the Chronicle, such as “Guy Watching TV” or “Guy at the Airport”…
- JOHNNY: Right now, I’m in Charlotte, NC, standing outside of “Johnny” headquarters, where the strip is conceived, written and performed…
- JOHNNY: Inside, writers, artists, and interpretive dancers work long hours to give YOU, the consumer, all the cartoon enjoyment you deserve!
- JOHNNY: Remember our slogan: “If it’s high-quality, state of the art cartooning you want, well, we just can’t help you… but if it’s cheap, quick humor you want, then brother, WE’RE FULL OF IT.” Or, more simply, “We’re full of it.” Good night and God bless.
NOTE: Last panel of the wordiest strip ever.
- JOHNNY: These next few strips will acquaint you, the reader, with “Johnny”‘s many characters. Sort of an exposition, if you will…
LABEL: “Casual Johnny” available from Mattel
- JOHNNY: For this special event, we have prepared 3-D, laser-guided, virtual reality, Internet-ready holographic “smart” comics (Windows 95 compatible) which allow the reader to interact with the cartoon in a real-time 3-D environment!
LABEL: “Excited Johnny”, also available
- JOHNNY: They’re really quite incredible.
LABEL: “Whimsically Thoughtful Johnny” available only through this special offer
LABEL: AS SEEN ON TV! CALL NOW! SOLD SO FAR: 0
- JOHNNY: Of course, we only MADE two of the things, so most of you won’t actually get to SEE the… well, the “plain” strips are nice, too, very low in fat…
LABEL: “Johnny in Repose” now on display at the John Paul Getty museum
- NARRATOR: Height: 5’10″. Weight: 175 lbs. Hair color: light brown.
- NARRATOR: GPA: 2.54. Favorite TV show: Seinfeld. Siblings: 1.73. Not a NC resident.
LABEL: Slowly rotating!
- NARRATOR: Ethnic Makeup: 75% Caucasian, 11.4% Asian-American, 8.4% African-American, 3.7% Hispanic, 1.5% other.
- NARRATOR: Johnny Williams: An average Duke student.
JOHNNY: Aside from the fact I’m 2-D and my eyeballs are the size of West Texas…
