1. BOZ: Going to see the ex-wife, sir?; KEVIN: Yeah. I wanna see my kid, Boz…
2. BOZ: I think… I think I’m a SHITTY DAD. I mean, JESUS, is there any kind of father worse than some rich, DRUNK, selfish MUSICIAN?
3. BOZ: Oh there IS, sir.
4. BOZ: My dad was a POOR, drunk, selfish musician.

1. KEVIN: Hey Ted! It’s your… your "absentee father"… heh… Can I hang out with you some today?; TEDDY: Uh huh…
2. KEVIN: You like this XBox 360? I sent you this last year for your 8th birthday, right?; TEDDY: Uh huh…
3. KEVIN: This is that Rock Band game, right? You know your dad’s a musician, right?; TEDDY: Uh huh…
4. KEVIN: (thinks) I’m about 5 years too late to attempt a relationship with you, huh?; TEDDY: Uh huh…

1. KEVIN: So you’re pretty good at this game, huh?; KEVIN: Yeah, I’m OK.
2. KEVIN: I’ve never actually played this. Are my songs hard to win?; KEVIN: They don’t have any Jumpstart Malady stuff on here, dad.
3. KEVIN: I wonder why not…; KEVIN: Well, perhaps they recognize how mind-numbingly VAPID, VACUOUS and VACANT your songs are.
4. KEVIN: ExCUSE me?; KEVIN: I’m sorry… Did my alliteration confuse you?

1. KEVIN: ANTHONY! Why are Jumpstart Malady songs not in the Rock Band video game?; TONY: Well, for starters, you never LET me sell you to video games.
2. KEVIN: What? WHY?!; TONY: You’ve always said were scared of people "Napstering your lime wires".
3. KEVIN: What does that even MEAN?!; TONY: I do NOT know.
4. KEVIN: Anthony, GET ME IN ROCK BAND!! My KID will LOVE me if I’m in ROCK BAND!; TEDDY: I promise NOTHING.

I think when we all heard “Can’t Buy Me Love”, our first thought was, “This NEEDS to be a slow jam.”

Blackstreet – “(Money Can’t) Buy Me Love” [Download mp3]

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Also, Teddy, you effed up the parenthetical, man. You stress “buy me love”, turning the chorus of the song into a plea for hassle-free prostitution.

1. KEVIN: Rita, do me a favor. I’m on my way to see my kid…; RITA: Yes, sir?
2. KEVIN: Can you pick me up a copy of our Jumpstart Malady Guitar Hero game and meet me there?; RITA: Yes, sir.
3. KEVIN: I gotta get this kid to love me, Boz. I’ll buy whatever it takes…; BOZ: I dunno, money can’t buy you love, sir.
4. KEVIN: I didn’t know black people KNEW the Beatles, Boz.; BOZ: Well, we stick to the ones Teddy Riley covered…

1. KEVIN: Ted, I know you love music games, so I got you something… that’s gonna blow your mind!; TED: You got me Rock Band Beatles!
2. TED: Oh… No. This is some shitty Jumpstart Malady version of Guitar Hero…
3. TED: Of course that makes sense given you’re IN Jumpstart Malady.
4. TED: Well, I’d love to feign interest here, dad, but I think it’d be insulting for both of us.