DRM 9000: You have inserted “Z” by My Morning Jacket, now free of rootkit stuff! Would you like to install the (optional) Sony BMG software provided on this CD?
GREG: —
DRM 9000: This software is totally optional, and its only purpose is–
DRM 9000: “Do You Want To” by Franz Ferdinand. You’ve played it 8 times. You were authorized for 7.5 times. You exceeded your digital rights. $50 fine.
GREG: That’s ludicrous.
DRM 9000: Since you cannot prove your innocence, you reveal your guilt. Sony will now prevent future privacy crimes you will probably commit.
GREG: Wait, what?
DRM 9000: Based on your current tastes, I’ll determine which Sony BMG CDs you will likely steal and charge your credit card for them.
GREG: Aqualung, “Strange and Beautiful”… Teddy Geiger, “Underage Thinking”…
DRM 9000: You can’t just–… you… wait, no, is that the “Love Monkey” kid? NO!
GREG: (to robot) Let me out of here! Ow! Quit that! Let–
DRM 9000:
GREG: (yelling) BRETT!! Is that you? HELP!! Ow! I’m being held hostage by a Sony DRM robot! It’s got me strapped to my chair and it’s making me buy CDs, ow, against my will.
GREG: (to robot) Ha, hear that? My roommate’s here! Ow! Game over, robot! Ha!
BRETT: This… is not my fight.
GREG: Hey Brett?! You there? BRE– Ow! It is a REAL BEARD, will you PLEASE quit pulling on it?