GREG: Don’t tempt me with illegal mp3s, man! I’ll stick to iTunes. A guilt-free life is worth $1 a song.
BRETT: Dude, the record companies don’t pay any production or distribution costs with iTunes, and they charge the same as CDs. It’s a ripoff.
GREG: Look, I used Napster in college! I won’t go back to that life! I would have nightmares about musicians breaking into my apartment and stealing stuff….
GREG: Liz Phair would hold me down while P.J. Harvey ripped my socks off my feet. It was… arousing. But also scary.
GREG: I found a new download site: YourFriendFred.com … This guy Fred sends you whatever mp3s you want. B-but it’s legal! See if you run into Fred ever, you buy him a beer.
GREG: A-and Fred promises that a PORTION of that beer goes directly to the artist. S-so everyone wins, see? H-ha ha! R-right, Brett?
BRETT: Yeah, idiot, if the artist WANTS to be paid in beer, and if “Fred” HAPPENS to run into them in the next 20 minutes.
GREG: It’s POSSIBLE.
BRETT: Oh SURE! “Why, look who’s here at Dempsey’s! Kanye West! And the rotting corpse of Johnny Cash!”
GREG: I mean, I ALWAYS see that Fiery Furnaces dude at the bodega….